Apple Seed 14: Almost There
13 Hours Into Labor
Charlie: (breathing heavily) Oh, sshhhhhhhhit!!! Contractions are getting worse! Where's that midwife????
Vaggie: She's on her way, babe. (under her breath) Or at least she better be. Your dad was supposed to call her hours ago.
Charlie: (groans into a cry of pain as another contraction hits and she crushes Vaggie's hand) Gah! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!
Vaggie: Hang on, babe. Just hang on. I'm going to be right back.
Charlie: (nods as sweat beads up on her head) Please, hurry back.
Vaggie: I'll be back before you know it. (kisses Charlie's hand and rushes to the door before nearly ripping it off its hinges) Lucifer! Where the fuck is that midwife?!
Lucifer: (eyes nearly pop out of his head) I FORGOT TO CALL SLOTH!!!
Vaggie: ¡Estúpido hijo de puta! You had one fucking job!
Lucifer: (fumbles his phone) I got it! I can fix this!
Lilith: (storms up to Vaggie, trying to get into the room)
Vaggie: (blocks the door) Uh, excuse you? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Lilith: I am that girl's mother. Who are you?
Vaggie: I'm her fucking WIFE, bitch! You're not going in there after being gone for several fucking years! You can wait out here!
Lilith: (shocked Pikachu face)
Lucifer: I made a call! She'll be here in a few minutes!
Vaggie: Good! Alastor, do something productive and get a container of cold water to help cool Charlie down!
-Hotel Door Practically Explodes Open-
Vaggie: What the fuck?! (looks over the railing) CARMINE?!?!
Carmilla: (struts in and up the stairs) Stop shouting, girl. Why are you surprised? Your father-in-law called me.
Vaggie: (glares at Lucifer)
Lucifer: (checks his call history) Oh.... I did.... shit..... I thought that was Sloth.... I'm TIRED, okay?!?!
Rosie: (tip-taps in) Hello, everyone!
Vaggie: ROSIE!!!!! Lucifer! Did you call her, too?!?!
Alastor: (holding a bucket of water) No, that was me. (tries to go into the room)
Lucifer: WHOA!!!! (blocks the door) What the FUCK do you think you're doing?
Alastor: I'm bringing Charlie her cold water. I think if anyone should be going into a blood bath, the prior serial killer overlord and father figure should be the one to do it.
Lucifer: YOU aren't going ANYWHERE near MY baby girl when she's at her most vulnerable!!!
Alastor: Hmmm.... (shadow phases along the floor and into the room)
Lucifer: SON OF A BITCH!!!!
Alastor: Charlie, dear! I've brought you some co- (sees Charlie laying on top of a mound of linens and towels with her legs hiked up, knees bent, and her lower half on full, bloody display)
Charlie: (panting, looks to the door, and her demonic features spring to attention) ALASTOR?!?!?! GET THE FUCK OUT!!!
Alastor: (faints and falls backwards out the door)
Lucifer: HA!!! TAKE THAT, ASSHOLE!!!
Rosie: Oh, my stars! Alastor! (drags Alastor out of the room and sets him up to recover on the floor, fanning his face with a kerchief) Alastor, Alastor, wake up. Deep breaths, dear.
Angel: Ha! Smiles is so pussy averted that even when he spots one in labor he can't stomach it.
Carmilla: ....... (steps over Alastor's body and walks calmly to the bedroom) How far apart are the Princess's contractions?
Vaggie: They're coming about every five or six minutes and last about fifty seconds each. (follows Carmilla into the room) Do we need to worry about pushing yet?
Charlie: (gets wracked with another contraction and growls demonically into an ear splitting shriek) VAAGGGGIIIIIEEEE!!!!!
Carmilla: I believe that should answer your question.
