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Every night my cat will leave her throne (fluffy pink pillow on my bed) and begin her lamentation shift, during which she will wander throughout the house wailing about the horrors and how unloved she is and the injustice of it all. After about 10 minutes of this I will call her name and she will come slowly back into my room and crawl up the bed to gently headbutt me, meowing excitedly at the return of her loving mother who, it must be stressed, never moved.

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